The Day I first Saw Someone Died in Front Of my Eyes. Part 1

This is just something that I've jotted down a few months ago while I was in A & E in Burton Hospital. Found it, and thought of sharing.

The Day I first Saw Someone Died in Front Of my Eyes.

As I was coming to the A&E department that night, I was not really sure of what to expect, and what I was going to experience tonight. Being in the 3rd block in the Jr Rotation, we have not been actually exposed to A & E before, and probably not until next year in Senior Rotation. ( I was just being a curious cat that night and wanted to know what it's like in A & E). Oh, well, probably there'll be some interesting acute abdomen or musculoskeletal cases tonight that I can see, I thought.

"There's a resuscitation going on in there," a doctor soon told me.

Oh, wow, this would be something interesting, I thought.

"Can I go and see?" Probably a very stupid question from a (then) timid medical student. "Of course you can." Yeay!

I've not seen a resuscitation before, well, maybe I have, but those that are being done on a manequin, a lifeless body who cannot feel the pain- not the real thing. And, so the scene that greeted me as I entered the door was definitely new, and in a way, unexpected.

-to be continued-

End of IPE

I was telling myself a few weeks ago, that I would be actively writing in the blog (again for the upteenth time!) after the exams (IPE) has finished. So, yes, hopefully this new term resolution will stay with me. Well, we'll see.

Alhamdulillah, now I'm a free girl!! IPE has just finished...although I can't say I'm too happy about it. Thought I could have done better. It was quite tough to be honest, with lots of vague questions (or maybe it's just me huhu.) The OSCE especially was totally out of my head,hmm.. the medic school sure knows how to grill and drill us all! And I'm not sure if I'm going to even pass!

I could go on and on about the exams just now, but I don't think I will. It's not good for the future generation,,err I mean, the adik2 who will be sitting for their exams next year. Or, maybe I could do, you know, just to make sure everyone gets prepared mentally even from the beginning.

Oh well, whatever happens, whatever the results may be, as long as I know that I've put my best effort preparing for it, then I'm OK. Leave everything else in Allah's hands, He knows what is best for me, insyaAllah.. So, for now, keep on praying...Tawakal to Allah..

Anyway, a few days before the exams, an ukhti dearest to the heart, surprised us all with a very personalised Good Luck Card, one for each of us, and posted to our homes! It was definitely a pleasant surprise, she had our photos printed in front of the card, and her own (plus her 2 kids) photo inside with some beautiful and inspiring wishes/reminders. Thank u kak!I mean, all the extra effort, to find the words and photos, to print it off in some photo shop etc etc. It's just amazing how thoughtful some people are.

And it's great to have other friends and sisters who were very supportive in this exam period. (Thank u for all the good luck wishes, and oh yeah, to some ppl, thanks for cooking food for us! hehe). I am soooo blessed to be around these great people here in Leicester Alhamdulillah.

OK, enough about the exam.
On a more cheerful note, I'm having days off for the next 5 days. Heehee.. Haven't actually planned anything in particular, but probably would spend it catching up on life (or work! ;p) that I've missed when I was so busy preparing for the exams.

And next week, I need to go outblock again. To Northampton this time round for Elderly Care Block. Heard of many good things about it, so hopefully it will be good. Although can't say that I'm too happy about going out of Leicester again, for the 4th time.

That's all for today..take care!

When it snows....

It is indeed most pleasant when it starts to snow. When you try to grasp the snowflakes with your hands, and then realize that they will just melt away as soon as they reach your hand. Or when you try to open your mouth wide, hoping to taste these beautiful snowflakes, and pretending to munch on them as if they are some sort of 'ais kacang' that you miss from home so much.

When it snows, it just lifts the spirit up; If you're feeling gloomy, all of a sudden you feel like you want to just smile and be cheerful all day long :-)
Sometimes you feel like dancing in the snow, and make snow angels, and just have fun in the snow..!

Alhamdulillah, isn't Allah Great? He has bestowed upon us many blessings and many 'nikmat's indeed. He has shown us how beautiful the earth can be when flakes of tiny drops of snow begin to fall from the sky, showering us as we walk on the path. He has made our spirits lift up, in delight just by looking at this magnificent view. Surely, there must be something to learn and gain from all of His creation, including the snow?

Let's look at our book of guidance, the Quran :

"We have not created the heavens and the earth and all that is between them as a play and game for Us. "[Quran 21:16]

Everything is present in the world for a purpose, even the snow. It may well be for us to appreciate His creation even more, so that we will be closer to Him. Being a Muslim, even the littl-est, tiniest thing that we observe, especially from the nature around us, should bring us back to Allah, our Creator, the Creator of the heavens and the earth.

It should remind us about His greatness, His Mercy upon us, that He has created everything for US so perfectly. Yes, everything- the sun, the flowers, the cute pets we have, the oxygen, the list goes on (too many to list down-in fact, it is IMPOSSIBLE to list all the things that He has given us!)-they are all there designed specifically for us, whom He loves so so much.

"It is He Who hath created for you all things that are on earth; Moreover His design comprehended the heavens, for He gave order and perfection to the seven firmaments; and of all things He hath perfect knowledge." [Surah Baqarah 2:29]

He even decorated the sky with stars for us to enjoy looking at it!

"And We have, indeed, made mansions of stars in the heaven and have adorned it for beholders." : [Al-Hijr:16]

Let us take some time, to reflect and think, have we reciprocate our love to our Creator? Have we found the time in between our busy lives to be thankful to Him for all the things He has given us? Have we showed signs of appreciation by bowing our heads and prostrating to Him, alone, in the middle of the night, when everyone else is fast asleep?

It is for us to think and now, to act accordingly, insyaAllah. With the new year of Islam (Maal Hijrah), let us make our new year resolutions to become a better Muslim, a better 'Abd to Him, insyaAllah. And May He grant us the strength to be istiqamah in this path insyaAllah..

Thinking 'bout You

Special dedication to the most special person on earth :)
For lighting the way,
And for guiding us to the right path.


When I hold your hand,
I could fly a zillion miles with you.
When I see your grace,
I can see you're God's words come true.
Every little bird above the haze,
And fish beneath the waves,
Knows about you...
Wouldn't they do.

When I see your eyes,
I can see rainbows in the sky.
Being with you,
All who parted reunite.
Every little pearl drop in the clouds,
And stones beneath the ground,
Are waiting for you...
Wouldn't they do.

Whatever you say
Lightens up the burden of the day.
Whatever you do
Makes us ever want to follow you.

Whatever they say,
Whatever they do,
I'll always love you.

Every burning comet that zooms,
And angels too,
Think about you...
Wouldn't they do.

Thinkin' bout you,
I could climb a mountain in the dark.
Listenin' to you,
Flowers dance in the park.

Whatever they say,
Whatever they do,
We'll always love you.

The words that you say,
Lightens up the burdens of the day.
Whatever you do,
Makes us want to follow you.

Whatever they say,
Whatever they do,
I'll always love you.

Some thoughts, after a long silence

I have again, left this blog dusty.

In which case, I am truly sorry. To anyone who's reading this, and also to myself, for not being able to capture the great and not-so-great moments of my life in this blog. There has been many ups (and some minor downs) in life lately, many things to be learnt from, pointers and constant reminders, in which I am very thankful for.Thank you Allah for the never ending nikmat, for granting me this life. Alhamdulillah

It is almost the end of 2009. Looking back over the years, it seems like only yesterday the year was starting. A year ago, I was this third year medical student struggling to pass the Phase 1 exam, the most horrifying exams ever (well, after finals I suppose). And since then, 1 year has passed and believe it or not, I'm a grown person now [or at least I hope!].

Great events happening in this year are all good memories for me.Being a clinical medical student is an exciting journey indeed, it opened up my eyes to the real world and the real 'thing'. The patients here are very lovely, especially the elderly people. They just love to talk to medical students, knowing that we need to learn to be able to do well. Even here, in Boston, many of the elderly ladies patients whom I've talked to, just love to give me big hugs! hehehe [and one of them thought I was 15 y/o! ;p]

At times, when I look at all these lovely souls, who have been so kind, I can't help but hope that they will one day find the true meaning of life, and find the light of Islam. Because only with Islam, will one be able to find happiness now, and ever after. Only by submitting yourself to the One God, and trying your best to be his Abd, will one be saved from the torment in the afterlife.
And when we know why we are here in this world, only then will we able to manouvre our life better, to seek Allah's redha in everything that we do, so that we won't be led astray.

Insha Allah...
For now, let's show the best example of a Muslim to the people who might not have yet found Islam. Let's show them how beautiful is Islam. Let's be the ambassadors of Islam, by showing them the best example, as has been shown by our great prophet, Muhammad saw. Let's follow his akhlak, and spread Allah's words, and who knows, some hearts may be opened up to Islam by Allah's will...

Take care and have a good week :)

My psychiatric patients

Being in the psychiatry block for the last 6 weeks has indeed open my eyes.
I've seen patients who have attempted suicide; other patients who could hear unusual voices and see unusual things; a cute,elderly patient who were emotionally abused by their own family and started to have delusional ideas that she was going to be sent to prison; even a Polish guy who was in delirium due to alcohol withdrawal and started causing trouble in the neighbourhood. Oh, and a guy with Asperger's syndrome, who is currently diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia-- his whole life story could do a novel if I were to write them myself!

This has all made me wonder and reflect back on the meaning of life. What do these people see in their life? Take one example, the man who attempted suicide but failed, how easy was it for him to make the decision that he wanted to end his life? What about his family and loved ones, did they come across his mind when he decided to do that? Did he not know that his soul and his body is a gift from god, an 'amanah', a responsibility that he was supposed to take very good care of, and that one day he will be questioned about this in the afterlife?

I guess not. I guess these things didn't even cross his mind at that moment. The only thing he ever wanted to do at that time was to get away, to run away from his problems. To be free from any debts, any issues that were surrounding him, to try to find a way out. That is, how a person without any faith in God would think like.

We ourselves sometimes take for granted that we were given life as Muslims, who have strong faith and iman. Faith and Islam; they are what guide us, they are the tool we weigh our decisions with, and they are the light that shines our life and bring us to the right path.

With faith in our hearts, there is no way we will ever be making any stupid decisions (sorry for the language), like attempting suicide or even any deliberate self harm. Life and death is not our decision to make. Our body,our lives and our souls are so so so precious, and it is not even ours in the first place. We are Allah's creation, and we belong to him. This soul, this body is not my own, I am only borrowing it from God, and one day, when the time comes, I will need to return it to God. That is what I believe.

I hope that one day, all of the patients I have seen will be granted with His light and His hidayah, so that they too can see life in a different perspective. May Allah grant all of us His mercy always, and guide us to the right path, towards Him, insyaAllah...

p/s: thank u everyone for the birthday wishes by the way ;)

Exam Tips utk adik-adik..

Specially dedicated to the Wans.. [Wan farah, wan sitah, wan mai, wan ema, wan didi] =D

Salam wbt adik-adik..
Exam masing-masing nampaknya makin mendekat. Lub dubb lub dubb [berdebar2] Ha,, dalam sibuk2 kita mengulangkaji dan menghafal pelajaran2, jangan kita terus lupa tanggungjawab kita dalam mentarbiyah diri kita ye~

Adik-adik nak tahu tak, betapa besarnya hikmah exams di sebalik ke-stress-an(mungkin) yg nampak pada zahirnya. Utk yang medic, mungkin dah tak larat nak menghafal setiap muscle yang ada dekat setiap lower limb tu. Gracilis la, sartorius la, compartment syndrome la… Untuk yg physics, mungkin dah tak larat dah nak solve equation maths/physics yg banyak2 tu.. (tapi bole nye insyaAllah , kite yakin dgn korg! )

Tapi kan, betapa hebatnya kasih sayang Allah pada hamba-Nya, di setiap saat dia takkan lupa pada kita. Dan dengan itu, turun lah ujian. Dan kali ini, nampaknya ujian yang Allah turunkan adalah dalam bentuk exams. Tapi, ketahuilah, pertolongan Allah itu sangat dekat. Dan ayat-ayat cinta kita iaitu Al-Quran pun ada menyebut....”Ingatlah, sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu dekat..” 2:214

Dengan syarat, kita betul-betul berusaha, kita betul-betul berdoa padaNya, dan kita betul-betul berserah/tawakal padaNya.

Seharusnya, makin dekat dengan exams, makin kita rapat dengan Allah, kerana pada Dia saja kita meminta untuk dipermudahkan urusan study kita. Kerana kita tahu bahawa segala ilmu di dunia ini milik Allah lah semata-mata, dan jika Dia tidak izinkan kita mendapatkannya, maka kita tak mungkin akan dapat ilmu itu.. Banyakkan berdoa, bersolat hajat dan solat malam dan banyaklah merintih pada Allah dengan air mata, agar diperkenankan doa kita..

Dan Tuhanmu berfirman, “Berdoalah kepadaKu, niscaya akan Aku perkenankan bagimu..”40:60

Ha, Allah dah suruh kita minta padanya tu, dan dah janji Dia akan perkenankan. Subhanallah, Baik nya Tuhan kita~
Jadi, mintalah agar Allah mempermudahkan segalanya, agar diberkati ilmu yang Dia kurniakan pada kita, agar Dia menjadikan kita pelajar2 muslim yang cemerlang supaya satu hari nanti kita dapat membina ummah ini dengan kejayaan cemerlang kita.. Nasib ummah kita ada di tangan kita~

Belajar lah kerana Allah, belajarlah sampai dah tak larat nak belajar lagi dah, belajarlah sampai mata kita terkeluar dari soketnya (hyperbola sikit), dan mintalah agar usaha kita yang sungguh-sungguh itu akan Allah hadiahkan dengan hadiah yang paling indah sekali, iaitu Jannatul Firdausi. Sesungguhnya itulah dia kejayaan yang paling tinggi sekali..bukannya pengiktirafan dari manusia ataupun sesiapa sahaja..

Belajarlah kerana mengejar syurga-Nya, belajar lah kerana mengejar RedhaNya, and insyaAllah you will succeed..

Di bawah ni ada tips2 exam from a sister, semoga bermanfaat!

Dlm kesibukan antum membuat persediaan utk peperiksaan yg mendtg, ana ingin memberi sedikit tips utk antum…- Islamic version

1. Doa2 penting utk dibaca : Rabbi zidni ‘ilma, warazukni fahma (Ya tuhanku, tambahkan padaku ilmu, dan rezekikan ku/berikan ku kefahaman) - then kena yakin la bhw Allah akan memakbulkan permintaan antum ni.

2. Tambahan doa : Ya Allah ajarkan ku apa2 yg aku tidak tahu, dan ingatkan apa2 yg aku lupa

3. Very very important to also realize bhw setiap ilmu yg dtg kpd antum adalah dr Allah swt dan dgn izin Nya semata2, tidak lain dan tidak bukan… ie rasa kehambaan di sisi Allah swt. Maka also very important to be thankful to Him for every single ilm/ideas etc that comes your way because that is indeed a nikmah from Allah swt… and insha Allah if you do that, then be sure that He will increase it even more… Remember the ayah number 7 from Surah Ibrahim : “Sesungguhnya jika kamu bersyukur, niscaya Aku akan menambah kpdmu, tetapi jika kamu mengingkari, maka pasti azabKu sgt berat”.

4. Make sure antum juga buat t/table on what to cover n to finish by when, n try to be disciplined in attaining that. Pastu bila dah capai target tu, treat yourself to s/thing nice, like reading/replying emails for 1/2 hr ke (kena make sure u restrict yourself to a certain time limit of enjoyment juga!! taknak terbawa2 pulak ke berjam2) or alternatively treating yourself to a bowl of ice-cream… yum2…

5. Setelah ber doa, doa dan doa, usaha, usaha dan usaha (bagai nak rak) maka jgn lupa bertawakal, bertawakal dan bertawakal.. . After working so hard, tapi o/come tidak seperti yg diharapkan then yakinlah bhw semua tu adalah atas kehendakNya dan semestinya ada hikmah disebalik itu. Remember the hadith… “How amazing is the affair of the Muslim! His affairs are all good. If he experiences ease, he is grateful, and that is good for him. If he experiences hardship, he faces it with patience and perseverance, and that is also good for him” (Bukhari)

Salam ulangkaji utk adik2 semua..