1st part: My Life-Then and Now

Terasa kelakar bile mengenang cerita zaman kecik-kecik dulu di bangku sekolah rendah. Tadi baru habis bercerita dengan housemate kisah-kisah lama tu.. Saje je tetiba teringat.

Masa sekolah rendah dulu, setiap kali ada persembahan pentas mesti ada muka saya. Tarian (tarian melayu, english, sume dah pernah rasa), nyanyian (lagu A Whole New World masa darjah 1 dan lagu Little Mermaid darjah 3), lakonan (becoming a mad scientist, and nenek tua dalam play komedi darjah 5), even newsreading competition..


Ha, tak percaya? Macam mana orang pemalu (kononnya) mcm saya boleh beraksi di hadapan peminat?? *perasan*. For one, it was an all-girls school, so macam takde perasaaan malu-malu pun di situ.. Hehehe..and cikgu2 memang suka ajak ktorg yg kiut2 ni buat persembahan,,, diorg yg ajar pun...hehehehe.

Tapi tu semua di suatu masa yang lampau. Zaman mentah, zaman tak tahu apa-apa. Even though I know I wouldn't ever do those dancing and singing ever again in front of the public (with male audience..no wayyy), but those are part of my childhood that I really do treasure. Those are the things that would carve a smile upon my lips, everytime I think about it. The times of great happiness with friends. Worrying about nothing, taking nothing really seriously. I was happy in that great 9 years, from Standard 1 to Form 3, surrounded with lovely peers, maintaining academic records, and having fun all at the same time.

But I'm glad with how things worked out now for me. True, it came as a unbelievable shock to me, when I first stepped into a mixed boarding school (boys and girls) - form 4. And the students were all Malays!! 100% ! It was all so new and so different to me. All this while, my best friends were Chinese and Indians, and also a few Malays from the previous school. Back then, we girls totally ruled the school (duh, of course... since we were the only gender there!).

And it felt so weird when during the assemblies, we had to sing the national anthem or something, the sound and tone of voice were so different from when I was in a girls school. (You know how girls voices are- high pitched and all). And I felt so *urghh* when the guys were the ones in control, leading this and that. They had so much more authority than the girls. (and now I sound like a feminist! ;p). So, all in all, the first few weeks of boarding school came as a culture shock to me, I even had thoughts of leaving the school . Not because of being homesick really, but more of 'schoolsickness' (missing my old school and the friends that I left more than ever!).


to be continued... ;p

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The Developing Human

dedicated to those with open hearts and open eyes...

Medan-medan kita

Kata Imam Hassan Al Banna:


" Medan bercakap tidak sama dengan medan berkhayal,
Medan amal tidak sama dengan medan bercakap,
Medan amal yg jihad tidak sama dengan medan amal biasa,
Medan jihad al-Haq tidak sama dengan medan jihad yang salah."

There are things that perhaps are always at the back of our minds, things that we'd like to share with people, things that will bring benefit to people, but sometimes, those things are hard to be voiced out or explained to other people. Maybe due to lack of confidence, or lack of opportunity to spread the good words or etc.
[Medan bercakap tidak sama dgn medan berkhayal, berkhayal tu is like medan fikiran-thinking as well]

And then there comes a stage where we do spread the words to people, we talk of good things, we invite them to do good, but in the end what's important is ....well, is to do it ourselves- amalkannya. Walk the talk, as people say it. For example, no use telling other people not to talk bad about people, when we ourselves are talking bad about other people. Right?
[Medan amal tidak sama dengan medan bercakap]

Whatever that we do, it should always be in the niat to do ibadah. The moment we wake up, to the time when we lie back to go to sleep that night, all the amal in between should be dedicated only for Almighty God. When we breathe, we breathe for Him; when we study, it is only for Him etc etc.

But the best of those who do good, is doing jihad while doing those deeds. Jihad here does NOT mean going to war etc etc, but jihad actually means putting your best effort in anything that you do. Jihad= bersungguh-sungguh. For example, when you're studying, you focus with all your might, pulun habis2an, strive for excellence and you maximize the effort!! [baca dgn nada semangat]. Because that's what Allah asks you to do- jihad while studying!!
[Medan amal yg jihad tidak sama dengan medan amal biasa]

And the most important thing is to do jihad al-Haq. What is jihad al-Haq? It is the jihad in search of the truth, and the jihad of spreading the truth. The truth about the purpose of life, the reason we're created, and the place where we're destined to in the hereafter. The truth of God, and sharing the meaning of the beautiful Syahadah with people around us. Not only sharing the Syahadah, but actually LIVING the Syahadah...
[Medan jihad al-Haq tidak sama dengan medan jihad yang salah]

9: 20 "Orang-orang yang beriman dan berhijrah di jalan Allah, dengan harta dan jiwa mereka, adalah lebih tinggi darjatnya di sisi Allah.."

satu ayat

"And strive hard in Allah's cause as you ought to strive. He has chosen you,and has not laid upon you in religion any hardship.
It is the religion of your father Ibrahim.
It is He Who has named you Muslims both before and in this (Quran), that the Messenger may be a witness over you, and you be witness over mankind!
So perform As-Salat, give Zakat, and hold fast to Allah.
He is your Maula, what an Excellent Maula and what an excellent Helper!"

Al-Hajj: 78

Kan ada hadis Nabi kata, sampaikan lah walau satu ayat.. Jadi cukup la satu ayat utk hari ni, utk peringatan saya dan awak.

OK apa, satu ayat sekalipun. At least itu satu output daripada saya. Betul kan, output kena lagi banyak drpd input ?
Lagi banyak talk yang saya dgr, lagi banyak ceramah yg saya pergi, lagi banyak pengisian yang saya dapat, sepatutnya dengan begitu, lagi BANYAK lah benda yang patut saya salurkan dan share-kan kepada orang ramai.

Tak gitu?
Tapi secara jujur, bila muhasabah balik diri, rasa terlalu sedikit ilmu yang disampaikan. Entahla, nak kata tak de peluang, banyak je cara2 and medium2 utk salurkan ilmu...blogging is one of them kan? *take note there, Mai* Bila jumpa orang ramai, boleh je patutnya selitkan satu dua benda.. *sigh*

Nowadays, I'm always finding myself questioning , of what have I actually done, for the people around me...for the ummah in general. Have I at least contribute something, anything at all for the world ? Have I actually made a difference in someone's life, one way or another? Has my presence in this world affect a soul, at least?

And then it would hit me hard: I haven't done enough! Would the things that I do, be up to the measure of what I have received from Him, countless of nikmat needless to say. How could I be such tak-bersyukur-punya-manusia who only receive, receive, receive so MUCH from Him, but is too kedekut to give and share, especially on things that would help people find their way back to Him? And what would I answer to Him when the time finally comes for me to meet Him? Would I be able to face Him, radiating with joy because of His Rahmah to me, or would I be in absolute sorrow (nauzubillahi minzalik) in front of Him ?

Now, now sit back and just, let's think. Everything that matters to me, to us, to you, should be what Allah thinks of us, and not what other people think of us, kan? Because isn't that the whole meaning of life all about? To find and search, high and low, for his Redha,, for his Blessings, for his Rahmat. Because , believe it or not, one day we will all die, we will all be resurrected,and we will all be questioned on things that we have done in the world.

And believe me, dunia ini hanyalah sementara, tak penting sgt pun dunia ni (compared to akhirat yang infinity timeline dia), so tak payah la get too worked up on minor2 and small2 problems you think you're having. Instead, use the opportunity that you've got in this world, the time you have left, to do good, and to spread the words of God. (Who knows when will it be our last breath?) Remember, that He knows what you're doing, however small the deed you think it is, and He'll reward you tremendously in the Hereafter..inshaAllah.

Sorri Allah for not doing enough (but I promise I'll do moreeee). Sorry to the people around me if I haven't share enough(and I will do moreee). May all of us learn from our mistakes and become a better person each and every day...inshaAllah.

*sori ayat rojak2, not in the mood to write proper language today..so sorri*

my dear sisters

I've never thought it was possible before. To love someone whom I've never met before, never talk to before, never crossed path with ..EVER before in life. But of course, with God's Grace and Willing, nothing is actually ever impossible. And that's the wonder of it all: To meet a person, and to love,(& a heartfelt one at that), all because of Him.

"The Russians invaded Leicester last week." Hehe.. Well, they did. Perhaps not all of Leicester, but 1 Hazel Street they did. They are some Malaysian students coming all the way from Moscow and Volgograd(excuse me if the spelling is incorrect, it's hard enough to pronounce it right!) on a tour around UK and Ireland for 10 days. And my housemates and I have got the privilege to become one of their hosts when they come to visit us in Leicester.

And yes, it was a wonderful experience. Even more than words can describe. It was ever more so meaningful as we know that, what has brought us together are this strong faith and the yearning for knowledge of Islam. And also knowing that those are the reasons that we were able to meet and get to know each other. It was great to be able to share experiences, to share laughter and smiles, to touch these pure hearts...all for the sake of Allah.

As one sister has put it, the only way you can feel the meaning of ukhuwah fillah is to, feel by being part of it yourself. As no words are actually enough to describe it.

And now, the littlest thing that I do just reminds me of these beautiful sisters so much!

As I cross the Nelson Mandela Park, I would smile at the thought of us stopping by to take pictures of the wintry leafless Park.

As I switch the lights to prepare for sleep, I would remember those cute adek2 wishing me "Good night kak maaii" as I bid them good night, sleep tight :)

As I look at these books on tarbiyah, I would remember the adek2 who would not go out for sightseeing because they would like to read and finish the book. They'd sacrifice 'jalan2' for the sake of that knowledge.

Even the thought of Maryland (a fast food outlet in Leicester) reminds me of them. Of how 19 of them could fit in the small store, and how excited they were to taste those finger-licking, (and very2 oily!) chicken wings. Not easy to get anywhere else I guess. ;p

Thank you sisters for brightening up my days. Thank you sisters for showing me the meaning of true ukhuwah fillah. Thank you dear sisters.


"Perjuangan itu artinya berkorban
Berkorban itu artinya terkorban
Janganlah gentar untuk berjuang
Demi agama dan bangsa Inilah jalan kita."


sebenarnye..saya rindu akan akhawat2 dari rusia itu. bole tak siapa2 sampaikan salam rindu sy pada mereka di sana? pls?
[pelik kan mcm mana walau cuma sehari berjumpa tp rasa seperti sudah setahun berkenalan]