My stroke patients =)

I just thought I should start writing again in this blog.

For sentimental value sake. (I know I know, I don't look like the sentimental kind of person, but I am!) Maybe one day when I am back in Malaysia, I would start reminiscing about my UK working days by reading these posts.

And also as I do seem to have more time since starting this new rotation, might as well start writing again! (which is weird as technically it should be a bit busier than the last job I did. As it is a surgical job that I'm currently doing. Oh well..)

Anyways, the last 4 months have gone past me that quickly. The stroke rotation was absolutely brilliant, and I have nothing to complain about. I think it gave me a good footing to start my career with, with the nicest and kindest and most encouraging doctors and seniors to help me out with things and to guide me through. (Plus the consultant likes to pat me on my head and says..." Little Mai!!"... or... "Young Mai!!".) Oh, missing her already!

And of course, I would sometimes get the occasional quizzes from patients or their relatives- on.. how old I really am. Oh, what a mystery. There's always the "You look too young to be a doc!" Or .."Em, are you 15? You look like you are!". :S

And as you may have guessed, I worked mostly with the elderly people in the stroke ward, and I just found them super lovely!! I love having long chats with them (when time allows of course) because they have so much life stories to tell.

There were the ones who were so positive and so strong even if they know they have only a few months to live (strangely enough, most of the most positive patients I have met so far are those who have conditions with not-so-good prognosis . Eg patients with brain tumor/mets). And I would just sit there, listening to them tell their stories, inspired by the hope and the strong will inside of them. Somehow, it also made me reflect on myself. Here I am, young, all fit and well (Alhamdulillah), but have I done enough to inspire others? Have I done things that can change the world to make it a better place? Hmm.. :(

And then there were the patients who were always feeling low and really need that kick of motivation everyday to keep them going ;p. So I would just start knocking on their door, asking them how they were, and when they said they felt down or sad I would try to think of something that hopefully will make them feel better. Something along the lines of... "C'mon pakcik! You can do it! Just gotta hang in there and be strong, ok?".. or.. "Be patient pakcik, you will improve but it does takes time okay? ok? " That sounds as if I'm speaking to a pakcik Melayu, but you know what I mean ;p

All in all, I think I have enjoyed becoming a doctor (so far at least. never know what the future will hold. gulp.). It was definitely a long 5 years of training at medical school and it was especially tough during the final year, but it was all worth it in the end I think. Alhamdulillah. (So to any final yr meds reading this, just hang in there and you will get there very very soon inshaAllah)

To see unwell patients get better each day is such a rewarding experience; and then they would say "thank you" to you with such sincerity as if it was you who had somehow magically make them better. But wait. It is not us doctors who had make you better, pakciks... but it is definitely Allah with His upmost Mercy and Love towards His beloved creatures, who had willed the recovery of patients and their well being. How Merciful Allah is towards us~ He who heals us from any illness. He who has given us bountiful provision more than we ever need.

As Prophet Ibrahim has said in Surah Assyuara 77-82.

"... the Lord of the worlds, Who created me, and who guides me, And Who feeds me and gives me drink, And when I become sick, He heals me, And who will make me die, then will give me life, And who, I hope, will forgive my fault on the Day of Retribution...".

MasyaAllah~

Narrated Abu Huraira:" I heard Allah's Apostle saying, Allah divided Mercy into one-hundred parts and He kept its ninety nine parts with Him and sent down its one part on the earth, and because of that, its one single part, His creations are Merciful to each other,(have a look at this cute video ) so that even the mare lifts up its hoofs away from its baby animal, lest it should trample on it." (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Good Manners and Form (Al-Adab), Volume 8, Book 73, Number 29)"

Lastly, let's take some time to reflect on His love towards us.
And ask ourselves...have we love Him more than anything or anyone else in this world?
More than we love our dear parents, our siblings, or even (y)our significant others?

Have we reciprocate our love to the One who gives love in the first place?

Salam wbt

Blog till you drop =)

I actually have mixed feelings about having a blog and writing my heart out in this space. Hence the reason why this blog is more often than not been left unattended and has been quiet for some time. (OK, probably that's just me giving more excuses and justifying my laziness in writing. Heh.)

I mean, who would actually care to read about what I have been up to, how my life has been etcetera2? I'm not really a well known person who would have followers wanting to know my whereabouts and updates every so often ;p

But then again, on the other side, writing is therapeutic for the soul, I think. It gives a sense of freedom to express things however and in any way that I like. Which is good :)

So then the next big question: Why and what should I write about?

I should not forget this: If I do anything, it should be for a purpose. And what better purpose is there than to do anything and everything for the sake of Allah? Can get tonnes of pahala and rewards just by having the right intention!~

And I have been blog-hopping recently and landed on many blogs by ikhwah/akhawats and friends (huu..stalking?) which many of them, I found so inspiring. Simple reminders maybe, but they meant a lot. They have so many things to share: knowledge, experience, tazkirah and much more.

And then, I realize that I too have a lot of things I'd love to share with people. As imparting knowledge and experience will not only enrich the one who receives them, but more so to the one who gives them. Just like doing usrah: by presenting a topic, I think we actually benefit and gain more by giving than just becoming the listeners (but of course may Allah gives rewards to all :) )

And my favourite quote on writing for the sake of Allah, especially to spread His noble words and Islam. By Salim A Fillah, an indonesion author:

"Yang paling menjadi impian saya sebagai penulis adalah ketika kelak kita terkejut di hadapan Allah. Saat Allah berikan catatan amal kita, lalu kita bertanya, “Ya Allah, bukankah amal shalihku tak sebanyak ini?” Kemudian Allah berfirman, “Ya, kau benar. Tetapi itulah pahala dari orang-orang yang beramal setelah membaca apa yang kau tulis, berrantai-rantai ditambahkan kepadamu sebagai sunnah kebaikan yang kau tebarkan, menjadi ganjaran kebaikan yang tak henti mengalir bagimu!”

Lastly these are the things that I'd like to share in the near future if time permits.

• Productive Muslim seminar that I attended not so long ago-which was Excellent-o!
• Summer Training Camp UK by IKRAM Uk- which was great too!
• My graduation day and life as a medic so far [n.e.r.ddd]
  
• my little nephew Adel =)
  

and many more, I hope..

And I end this by a reminder for myself first before others:

The Prophet said, "Actions of the son Adam cease upon death, except for three:
-a righteous son
-continuous charity
-useful knowledge

Salam wbt

The comellest ever

(Ok i'm actually testing this app that i just downloaded on my Ipod touch and trying to find out if this will work)

Salammm
I'm in London now, chilling at my bro's place and my parents are here as well. And my favourite nephew is here as well so that adds to the excitement (err he's my one n only nephew by the way).

And he is oh-so-cuteeee. He's cute when he smiles, when he laughs , when he sleeps, even when he is crying and screaming! Ok so there you go, one very obsessed aunty who cant stop picit-ing his nose and kissing his cheeks.

But really, he makes everyone around him so happy. The opah and tok (ie my parents) who just recently came from Malaysia cant get enough of him too. And his proud parents (my bro and sis in law) are always so happy tending to him, caring for his needs and playing him all the time.

So Adel happy first bday and may Allah bless your life now and forever. Be a good obedient son to your parents and stay cute!

Terharu ;)

It's been 3 weeks already and I have finished half of my electives, in a private hospital in Ipoh.

I was a bit terharu and all when leaving the hospital this afternoon, as all the friendly staff that I have been working with in clinics and wards were so nice and wished me all the best. The doctors that I was attached to was lovely too, they even had nice comments for my feedback form.... Things like 'pleasant personality' and 'diligent' (! ;) ) and 'no doubt she will be a good doctor in the future'.. I was like...auwww really??.. I hope the doctors were honest when they wrote them hihi

Anyways, that's besides the point. Alhamdulillah, overall it was a good attachment. I learnt a lot, not just of medicine, but of other things too, like real working life, religion faith and da'wah, and so much more. I wish to write these things down to make sure I don't forget these things when time passes. I'll write them in a few parts, insyaAllah :-)

Day 1 in Neurology Attachment

Few things to take note from first day of electives for future reference :)

1. Let's learn and practice our Malay medical vocab ! New vocabs of the day are words like:

• Libang libu=anxiety neurosis



• Badan rasa Ceren ceren =i dunno..badan does not feel so good?



• Perut sebu

Plus a few exchanged with friends also doing elective in Msia:

• Kaki rasa asam2 = kaki kebas2

I'll add more each day so I won't forget, and by the end of this few weeks attachment, I'll be a pro at this inshaAllah ^_^

2. Gotta be a multilingual doctor if you are in this country!

The consultant that I was attached to amazed me when he started to speak very fluent Cantonese with one of the Chinese patients. And I was left wondering what on earth were they talking about! Even in UK, I never really have that much difficulty in understanding language (alhamdulillah) and then hey-ho, suddenly in my own country I can't understand a single thing of what they were talking about!

And then the next patient who came in was an Indian, and then he started to speak Hindi with him. My jaw dropped again.

I think he's a really good doctor, with excellent communication skills. He really knows how to win his patients' hearts, like for example when he is with the elderly it really shows that he respects them; with some patient he uses 'loghat utara', with some he uses 'perak slang' etc etc.

And as a result, all the patients love him! You can see how they totally open up to him, and would tell them all their problems without worrying that he would judge them etc..

OK, I think those are really good tips for future doctors. And I guess that's why the medical school keep on hammering on us "communication skill , communication skills, communication skills!!". Because it is really very very important!

3. Plan your career and life!

The consultant is a Malay doctor who had completed his degree in Malaysia and then went over to the UK to specialise in his specialty. You can see that he is very much determined with his career and life and knows what he wants in life.

He told me that he planned his career well in advance, knows which examination he is going to take and what time, and wala-by 1990 he is already a Specialist. Like for example, he was even studying when he was doing houseman to sit for the exams while his other friends have not yet had any plan in mind.

OK, I'll start planning my career then too.. MRCPCH ? InshaAllah..

4. A few things to share that I saw yesterday include:

• another man with expressive and receptive dysphasia!




• a man with raccoon eyes!!




• a kid with 'sakit buah pinggang' and ''darah tinggi'..He actually has nephrotic syndrome

and other usual things like stroke, epilepsy, neuropathy etc .

That's all to share today! Congrats to my consultant cos..he's going to get the Dato' title today from the Sultan! (It's the Sultan's bday today and he gives all those awards every year during his birthday)

Salamm

Cute Kids on Telly

Ooh I've got to tell you about this really cute TV series that I've seen a few episodes of.
It's called Faiz Faizah, it tells the story of cute kids living together in an orphanage house. (It's indonesian by the way).

Faiz, who is around 5 years old and his friends in the orphanage met a girl whose name is Faizah, who is also around 4-5 years old. Faizah does not live with them as Faizah comes from a wealthy family and she is an only child. I think the orphanage house and Faizah's house are near to each other so that's why they hang out and play together so much.

It was really cute how Faiz and Faizah met the first time.

"Namaku,, Faizah..Nama kamu apa?"
"Faiz.."

Faiz wanted to know how it feels like to have a mom and a dad. While Faizah wanted to have friends to play with and she also felt lonely as her parents never really spend much time with her as they were very busy with work.

So what did they do? They decided to switch places, and pretend to be the other! And to be honest they pulled the act quite well. They in fact looked about the same but since Faizah has really curly hair, Faiz has got to wear sort of a curly wig over his head which is OMG so cute!! And he managed to fool Faizah's maid into thinking that he was Faizah, while Faizah's parents were still at work.

And the real Faizah, who wanted to be Faiz for a day, had to wear a cap to put all her hair in together, and tada- she did look very boyish with her cap and T-shirt.

And there were hilarious scenes as they switch places. You've got to see them for yourself!

There were also scenes that I found very touching. Before going to bed, Faizah saw that all the other orphanage kids, prayed hard that one day, some kind foster parents will come take them away and give them love, and care for them like their own children.

"Ya Allah, kurniakanlah hambamu, mama dan papa yang akan menjagaku, mengasihiku, Ya Allah.."

And these kids were only around 5-9 years old!! Wooowoo..so touching I wanted to cry..

I guess not every one is as fortunate as myself. Some kids have never ever seen their parents' faces, never had parents who would cuddle them as they drifted off to sleep, never have true love from parents. They live every day imagining how it feels like to be loved by parents.

And people like us who do have parents.. sometimes we take their presence for granted. We forget to thank Allah for giving us this greatest gift: Parents. We forget to show our love and appreciation towards our parents and we disobey them sometimes.

We therefore have to always remember everything they have done for us, since we were born in this world up until today. As Allah mentions in the Quran:

We have instructed man concerning his parents. Bearing him caused his mother great debility and the period of his weaning was two years: "Give thanks to Me and to your parents. I am your final destination." (Surah Luqman: 14)

And Allah asks us to be kind and good to our parents..And we can't even say something that can cause them to be hurt, even a word like 'Ah' is impermissible.

We have instructed man to be good to his parents … (Surat al-Ahqaf: 15)

Your Lord has decreed that you should worship none but Him, and that you should show kindness to your parents. Whether one or both of them reach old age with you, do not say "Ugh!" to them out of irritation and do not be harsh with them but speak to them with gentleness and generosity. (Surat al-Isra': 23)

May Allah help us to become better children to our parents, and may He bless our parents always.

Salam..

Not a bed of roses

My friends would know that I don't cry publicly, but there are usually two things that can make me cry:
1. Very hot spicy food that sends tears flowing like river to my eyes, and
2. A story/novel/show with a sad story-line , with possibly a tragic ending

So, there I was a few days ago, reading the famous novel by Jodi Picoult, "My Sister's Keeper" and I was sobbing and sniffling like mad, crying my eyes out. It was touching, a story of how a family fights as one of the kid has got acute promyelocytic leukemia.

But the sad part is, it ends with the death of one of the kid. Not going to comment more, just in case there is anyone out there who has not read the novel yet.

And yesterday, I was holding back tears as I watched yesterday's episode of Bersamamu on TV3. The show was portraying the life of this 15 year old boy with a mass the size of a coconut on his tummy and he was diagnosed as having 'kanser urat saraf'.. (So that would be a neurofibroma wouldn't it? )

The boy was thin, frail and obviously in much pain. His mother and family stayed close by his side until..until he breathed his last. Yeah, the boy died in the end. (And this is a real life story!!). And the TV3 crew were actually there to capture the moments of his death.

It just struck me again of how fragile life is, really. Of how this life is a series of tests for Allah to see which of His servant is the strong one and deserves to be rewarded with Jannah. Says a verse in the Quran:

We will test you until We know the true fighters among you and those who are steadfast and test what is reported of you. (Qur'an, 47:31)

Please let us be the true fighters ya Allah!

Tests can come up in many different ways, some of which can be totally unexpected and may creep up to you in a surprise. Some people are tested with difficulty in family, some in illness, some in work, others in studies, money, and the list goes on. In the Quran, Allah also says:

Do people imagine that they will be left to say, 'We believe,' and will not be tested? We tested those before them so that Allah would know the truthful and would know the liars. (Qur'an, 29:2-3)

I once heard a wise man said that each time you are tested, and when you are able to get through the test, Allah will rise your place to a higher level. He will keep you closer to Him, and strengthen your back. All we have to do is to have faith in Him, and know that He will bring us through any bad times, through any difficulties. As He is the Most Powerful, and He knows all the hikmah/wisdom of it all.

And He is ALWAYS there for us, to listen to all our cries and whinings. Oh how kind our God is, when as human-beings, we have in many times, wronged ourselves, forget Him, did sins and sometimes did not obey all his commands. But He is still there for us, every minute, every second..always. Isn't it in the Quran that says He is closer to us than our own vein?

And indeed We have created man, and We know whatever thoughts his inner self develops, and We are closer to him than (his) jugular vein [50: 16]

And this is another verse, on how near is Allah's help to those who are tested.

Or did you suppose that you would enter the Garden without facing the same as those who came before you? Poverty and illness afflicted them and they were shaken to the point that the Messenger and those who believed with him said, 'When is Allah's help coming?' Be assured that Allah's help is very near. (Qur'an, 2:214)

So to everyone out there who is striving and facing this life's test: Stay strong, don't give up. Always have Allah in your heart, and always seek Him for help and guidance. Remember that life in this world is only temporary and that the hereafter is the one that matters.

The life of this world is nothing but a game and a diversion. The abode of the hereafter-that is truly Life if they only knew. (Qur'an, 29:64)

May Allah keep us strong always, and be steadfast in this path, inshaAllah.

Trust Me I'm (almost) a doctor!

It still seems a bit surreal, really.
But it's true! It's true! I have passed the Medical Finals exams Alhamdulillah.

I was expecting for the worst, I had even practiced how I should feel when I get the results, I had prepared myself mentally for the news, uhh.. just in case.
And I was hiding under my duvet at 3pm on results day, trying to sleep it all off, not wanting to know the news that the result would come out in a matter of minutes.

But that was until Nida came barging through the door. She obviously had checked her results, and seemed to know mine too. "Mai,, I think you passed!!" And then we were jumping up and down, hugging each other, squealing and screaming at the top of our lungs.

Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah, this is all Allah's works. It is a miracle really, because I thought the exams were quite difficult and challenging that I thought there was no way I would make it through this time.(Out of 219 ppl, 40 failed this year so that's a fifth of the class ) . But Allah is so very Merciful, He is so very Kind, and He listens to all my prayers, and the prayers of my beloved, and He made my friends and I passed.

If there is one thing I learnt from this whole experience, it is that Usaha+Doa+Tawakal really is the key. Maybe other people will never understand the whole Medic Finals Exam experience (especially in Leicester, where you are meant to prepare for every single module/subject you've learned: Medicine, Surgery and Specialties). But the whole journey was an experience like no other. Quoting a friend, it was a physical, emotional and spiritual journey, and I am just so blessed to go through it with my beloved friends and sisters.

If you want something so badly, of course you would work hard for it, wouldn't you? But I understand now that however much you work, you have to leave it all to Allah, as there is nothing that can happen without His Will. But still you really have to work hard for it, as the effort too is counted by Allah.

And of course, I still can remember the difficult times; when the brain felt overloaded, as if there is no more space to fill any information with. Or the times when I just felt like puking it all out-as it was just getting too much.

But the thing is, you do really have to push yourself. Because by trying hard enough, at least you'll be able to tell yourself that: "At least I've tried. " It is also so very important to exchange words of motivation with your friends to keep each other's spirit high. To remind each other that we are doing all this not really for anything else.. but to please Our Lord who has always been so kind to us.

Have faith in Allah. Know that He holds the knowledge of the sky and the earth, and to Him belongs everything. Believe in Him that He is always there when you call out to Him, and that He loves you so much that He will answer your prayers.

And those are the motivations that one needs to keep on striving: to know that every time you open the book to read a chapter on Haematology for instance, the angels will come down and write those as good deeds. And if the heart is sincere, it will be reported to Allah and perhaps will be counted as deeds to enter Jannah..insyaAllah amin..

So that's Finals done and over with. The graduation day will be in July insyaAllah.

And now with some free time after the exams, I hope to engage myself fully in Islamic works, something that I have come to love and feel responsible for. Because that is one of the reason we all worked so hard for, to one day be excellent doctor-daies, as gifts for the ummah insyaAllah. To bring the ummah back to where it really belongs, to shine again...insyaAllah.

Surah Muhammad 7. O you who believe! If you help (in the cause of) Allah, He will help you, and make your foothold firm.

Lastly, my appreciation and thank you to all beloved people who helped me to get through the journey, my batchmates, housemates, my naqibah, sisters all over uk eire, other friends, kakak2, doctor2 etc etc.

Salam~